The Scope of My Work
I’ll do for you what any good coach would do. I’ll listen sensitively to what you say, including listening for what you cannot say, just like any good coach, and I’ll build rapport with you. I’ll offer you feedback, confront discrepancies when needed, and help you find your solution by yourself, just like any coach. I’ll help you work through setbacks and emotional blocks, just any good coach.
I’ll also do things that most coaches cannot do. For example, I also can teach you every one of the skills that was suggested in the questionnaire. I’ll help you learn the skills that you need, not the ones that I happen to like best. With the skills I teach you, you won’t have to compromise. You can aim higher and reach your target.
My services are traditional, but I also provide transpersonal skills training that you can’t get from other coaches. The skills I teach are those that fit your needs.
Honestly Facing What Is
We’ve all faced setbacks and misfortune or failure, but they don’t have to hold us back. It doesn’t help to pretend them away with phony affirmations. It doesn’t help to paste sparkles and fairy tales on top of our demons and problems. We need to deal honestly with reality if we want to find a way to create a powerful future out of the crap that fertilizes our pasts. From the ashes of our failures, we can work towards outcomes that can’t presently be seen—much less being located on any chart or map that we can find.
I’m not going to try to convince you that your life is not what it is. My first priority is to look at the world through your eyes: To place my consciousness behind your forehead and see what I see from inside of it. I won’t always succeed, especially if I’m trying to help you see new possibilities, but my first priority will always be to see the world from your point of view. Ultimately, your best outcomes will come from inside of you.
I don’t care that you’ve got a shadow side that might be lazy, selfish, hateful, discouraged, depressed, or whatever. I can’t give you a magic pill to remove negative feelings and attitudes. No one ever develops gratitude by repressing their selfish instincts. No one ever develops altruistic love by pretending that they don’t feel rage, hate, judgment, or rejection. What I can do: I’ll help you come to terms with your shadow self by accepting it and working with it.
Sometimes, your only real course of action is to stop running away, to face the crap head on without flinching. You may have to stare into the abyss without wavering to find ways to get beyond it.
Ultimately, You’ll Find Your Personal Power
Once you’ve faced the crap head on and you’re no longer lying to yourself about your shadow side, there is a time to seek out and embrace your personal power. Sometimes, this even means “fake it till you make it,” but when you do that, you won’t be lying to yourself, nor will you allow yourself the excuse that you’re a phony. Presenting yourself in the best light is not dishonest; acting is sometimes necessary to empower yourself to follow your inner guidance and values.
You have the right to create an environment that supports your personal power. You do not have to quiver in your boots if you’re nervous or afraid. You can choose a persona the gives you more options for self-expression, rather than less. It’s not dishonest to do so.
Face Your Shadow Honesty; Your Light Is Just as True
I’m not going to pander to you or protect your feelings from the truth. But I also won’t accept it if you only want to hide your light. When I look at the world from within your mind, which is what I’ll be trying to do, I’ll sometimes see what’s true for you that you refuse to see. If you’re ready to face this truth, I’ll confront these discrepancies.
We all tell lies to ourselves. My goal is to be the detective to seeks out yours, uncovers it, and brings it into the light of day. The reason for telling the lies is to hide one or another side of yourself—or many sides. I’ll help you find another perspective that integrates the many sides into a unified self. Sometimes, both your inner devil and saint must have your ear.
On the other hand, sometimes I’ll simply look for brilliance within you that you haven’t considered yet. If I can locate the spark, I will help you fan it until it bursts into flame. After analyzing your current perspective, you’ll have more options to choose from.
Once you’ve chosen something new, I’ll help you figure out how to switch gears—which is not always easy when you have a life-long pattern or deep emotional reasons to stay stuck. Switching gears is a skill, and you may need help switching gears more smoothly. I’m your guy.
Choices You Can’t Tell Your Mother
I intend to honor and support all of your choices, even those you’d hide from Mom. Some of these choices might scare you (and you’ll know when they’re required), but you may still need encouragement to embrace them fully. You’ll always feel safe with me with your choices (unless, of course, they involve violence). If making the choice you want to make requires you to face your deepest fears, I’ll help you do that.
Ultimately, when you’re hiding out in your comfort zone, you’re not only avoiding choices, but you’re not even safe or truly comfortable. I’ll support your choices, but I’ll confront hiding. If you choose to hide, I’ll support it, but I’ll try to make sure that you know what you’re doing.
Your New Self Makes Its Stand on a Foundation of Honesty
If you come to me to help you redesign and implement a new way of being, you’ll discover that the most powerful and effective way to build it is to first embrace who you truly are. You can’t cover over your truth with manufactured or artificial sweetness and light, because then you’re building the new you on a foundation of quicksand.
I have no problem with sweetness and light, so long as it’s authentic at the deepest level and so long as you’re truly ready for it. Honest self-knowledge is the foundation for the higher states of consciousness. Inner conflict means that you’ve got further to go.
Skills that Might Help You
When you used the multiple choice questions presented by this tool for brainstorming, you probably couldn’t help noticing that every single option you chose actually points to a skill or a process that you could use to reach your ends. When you create your final plan in Step #4, don’t be afraid to list skills that you want to acquire. You can get access to these on the internet or in a library.
However, I have access to a huge catalog of such skills, and I can help you select the skills you need, I’ll not only teach them to you, but I’ll also help you integrate them with your current life and your current practices. Each of the options in the multiple choice questions refers to at least five different processes, so when I work with you, I’ll help you design a program that is tailored to your needs, your personal style, and your current level of growth.
A few of the skills may seem like they are almost superpowers, but all of them will give you an edge in what you’re trying to do. Some may be difficult to master, and some may be easy. Most of them will require a commitment and a plan to implement them regularly and effectively. It’s not like going back to school. You’ll be authentically committed to the new path before starting it. When we work together, you’ll have insights to implement, and some of the tools will make that implementation easier and more effective.
Learning skills must be balanced with more traditional coaching, because unless the two are inexorably connected, the skills may be irrelevant. I can’t really teach you any skills without discussing the circumstances in which you’ll use them. Otherwise, they become like just new books collecting dust on your bookshelves. For this reason, it’s very difficult to provide you with an example that will be in your program.
In addition, until you learn how to use them, many skills may seem irrelevant that are actually very powerful and relevant to you. To give them to you ask examples may be more confusing than enlightening.
For example, one important skill that may come up is the skill of inner silence (or more accurately, inner quietude). Without training, the value of this practice will not be obvious to you. And yet, this skill can also help you to build many other skills that you will want, no matter what you’re engaged in—including every kind of art, personal interactions, study in school, insight and intuition at work, and reduction of stress. This is why meditation has so many different positive results, both in traditional literature and in scientific research.
The skill of inner silence is merely one example of many, some of them broadly effective and intermingled with many other skills and some that are very specialized. And like every other skill in the Joyful Wisdom Curriculum, inner silence is a meaningless skill if you don’t know how to integrate it into your needs and life.
That’s why we start with traditional coaching and add transpersonal skills when appropriate. The skills have to be part of a program if we want them to stick.
Set Up an Appointment
Your first appointment is complementary. In the first appointment, we get to know each other a little and begin to map out a program. We may or may not be able to select skills that will support your goals in your initial appointment, because skills are best learned in context, and we may not know them until later.
After we review your goals, we’ll figure out a program that would get you there. You’ll end up with a plan, including how long it may take to get to your first goal. We may or may not get to a first step and some initial homework.
Request an appointment by filling out the second page in Step #4 or by writing to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your phone number and a couple of potential times to be called.